I have anxieties, especially social anxieties. Talking online is both easier and much much harder. Easier because I don’t have to do the face to face thing, harder because I have no body language cues to go on whether or not other people understand me, or want me to just stop talking.
I’ve been a mod and an ML for several years now and still to this day I often have to somewhat force myself to talk on the forums. I can’t count the amount of times I’ve just deleted a response or closed a thread I wanted to respond to, but just couldn’t. And certain sub forums I simple can’t be a part off. They are too busy or for other reasons make me too uncomfortable.
So I get it. Being active in any community is exhausting and takes effort. Sometimes that effort is just more than you have left. Other times it hits your uncomfortable button. The bigger the community the harder it can be.
You don’t have to feel obligated to use the forums if you don’t want to. But if you do want to be more social around here, then I agree with Elluna. Try to find smaller sub sections you like. Slower parts of the forum. Or even just one thread to start with. Talk about your favourite book/fandom/etc. Talk about what you’re going to be writing. Maybe find a general chat thread and talk about your day.
Either way always remember that you are just as much a part of this community as everyone else. You matter and your opinions and thoughts are just as interesting and valuable. If your head tells you no one cares what you think then remember that we do.