Princess Bride Crawl

[Originally posted by RavenOFiernan]

Some definitions for those unfamiliar with the various challenges in the crawl:
Fifty-Headed Hydra: Try to write 500 words in 5 minutes.

Epic Music Hour: There will probably be a thread for this, but basically, you find an hour of epic music online (such as Youtube) and write while the music plays.

Three Digit Challenge: There is usually a thread in this sub-forum for this challenge. The first person posts the last 3 digits of their current word count. The next person has to write that many words. You can then post your own last 3 digits if you want, or not.

4% Challenge : For this crawl, you have a choice of the following options: 4% of your total word count so far, 4% of your word count from this crawl, or 4% of 50,000 words, which is 2,000 words.

Palindrome : a word or number that can be read the same backwards and forwards such as 1,331.

Let’s begin!

You’re home at sick playing your favorite video game, but your grandfather is due any minute. Hurry up and kill the Fifty-Headed Hydra (or just write for 5 minutes)!

Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles… When your grandfather arrives, he has a book. Humor him and allow him to read it to you, while you write 100 words , hoping for more fencing and fighting and less true love and miracles.

You always identify with a character in stories, so think about your strengths. Do you have steadfastness? Cunning? Swordplay? or Sportsmanship? If you chose Steadfastness, you are Buttercup. Cunning is Westley. Swordplay is Inigo Montoya. Sportsmanship is Fezzik. These translate to different writing styles for this crawl:

Buttercup - your steadfastness means that you do best given an amount of time to write, rather than a specific number of words to reach. While there are exceptions, many of your challenges will be time-based (i.e. write for 10 minutes)

Westley - your cunning means that you are more concerned with what you get out of something than how much time it takes. Many of your challenges will involve specific word counts to reach (i.e. write 500 words)

Inigo - you thrive on competition and challenge, so many of your challenges will be word wars or other competitive options, rather than just challenging yourself (i.e. complete a 10-minute word war)

Fezzik - you prefer to challenge yourself rather than others, so you will have fewer word wars and/or competitive challenges.

At the beginning of the story, Buttercup and Wesley fall in love.
If you are Buttercup , write for 15 minutes .
If you are Westley , you say those three most important words: As you wish. Complete a Three Digit Challenge.
If you are Inigo or Fezzik , you are far away, probably plotting something with Vizzini: pick a word war or sprint on this forum to complete.

Murdered by pirates is good…
If you are Westley , you have been captured by pirates, but Dread Pirate Roberts keeps you alive indefinitely, training you in all manner of skills. Complete an Epic Music Hour as a montage of your growing skills.
Meanwhile, if you are Buttercup , you have learned your love is dead and you must marry the prince, a stranger. Nightmares plague you. Write for an hour as you toss and turn.
Prince Humperdinck has enlisted Vizzini to create a war by making it look like Guilder has abducted his bride. If you are Inigo or Fezzik , you are part of Vizzini’s plan, but you prepare differently:
Inigo , you want practice with your sword, so take part in a 1-hour word war as you dispatch lesser swordsmen easily with your left hand.
Fezzik , you keep a list of your favorite rhymes to annoy Vizzini with: write 2,000 words .

Anybody want a peanut?
If you are Buttercup , your ride is cut short by three men who abduct you. Do a 15-minute word war as you realize they are not all that competent.
If you are Inigo or Fezzik , do a 10-minute word war as you trade rhymes and drive Vizzini crazy.
If you are Westley , you are in a ship racing to meet Vizzini’s. Do a 4% challenge to get closer.

Do you know what that sound is, Highness? Those are the shrieking eels!
If you are Buttercup , you have just jumped into eel-infested waters, and no one can swim! Tread water by writing for 5 minutes .
If you are Fezzik, you are able to grab her out of the water. Complete a 50-Headed Hydra .
If you are Inigo , standing on the deck, write 100 words .
If you are Westley , sprint to the nearest 1,000 to get the rest of the way there.

I’m not left-handed. I’m not left-handed either .
The group reaches the top of the Cliffs of Insanity, and Vizzini and Fezzik make off with Buttercup, leaving Inigo to stop the Man in Black (Westley) who has caught up to them and managed not to fall to his death.
So, if you are Fezzik or Buttercup , race to the nearest thousand to escape the Man in Black.
Inigo and Westley , you participate in a 30-minute word war with all the flourishes and hand-changes of their swordfight. The loser is knocked out and will have consequences in the next step.

My way’s not very sportsman-like.
With Inigo knocked out, the Man in Black rushes ahead. Vizzini also rushes ahead with Buttercup, leaving Fezzik to stop the Man in Black “his way” by throwing a rock at him. Fezzik is unimpressed with this method, and offers hand-to-hand combat instead.
If you are Fezzik , complete a 10-minute word war .
Westley , if you lost last round , complete a 10-minute word war . If you won , you can skip this word war if you like . The loser is knocked out and will have consequences in the next step.
Buttercup , do a 4% challenge to stay just ahead of your pursuers.
Inigo , you just need to complete another 10-minute word war if you lost to Westley (or your opponent) in the last step. If you won last round, you can skip this step or you can go ahead and do it if you prefer.

“Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…
The Man in Black catches up with Vizzini, who still has Buttercup.
If you are Fezzik or Inigo, your choice depends on the last step.
If you were Fezzik and lost , you must write for 10 minutes . If you won, you can choose to write for 10 minutes or skip this step.
If you are Inigo , you can write for 10 minutes or skip this step . I recommend not skipping this step if you already skipped the last one.
Vizzini’s intellect is dizzying, but this competition is relatively short, so if you are Westley or Buttercup, write for 5 minutes while listening to Vizzini rant about his intellect.

We’ll never survive. Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has .
If you are Inigo or Fezzik , you are still knocked out, so just write for 10 more minutes .
If you are Westley or Buttercup , you have realized you still have true love, but now need to face the three dangers of the Fire Swamp. Complete a 4% challenge , and consider one of the more difficult options: this is the Fire Swamp, after all, and no one has ever survived.

We are men of action; lies do not become us.
Prince Humperdinck is waiting for them outside the Fire Swamp.
If you are Westley , Princess Buttercup tries to save your life by giving in to the Prince, so you are captured and taken to the Pits of Despair. Write 500 words .
If you are Buttercup , try to persuade Humperdinck to find Westley’s ship. Write for 15 minutes.
Meanwhile, Fezzik and Inigo have reunited, and learned that Inigo’s nemesis is Humperdinck’s right hand man. Write for 30 minutes as you plan your or your friend’s revenge. If you are Inigo, make this a 30-minute word war.

Please consider me as an alternative to suicide .
If you are Buttercup , you have just learned that Humperdinck lied about the 4 fastest ships, and are preparing to kill yourself on your wedding night. Write a suicide note in 5 minutes.
If you are Westley , Humperdinck has entered the torture chamber and is torturing you to (mostly) death. Write 150 words , trying to stay alive.
If you are Inigo , you recognize the sound of pain as the Man in Black, who you think will help you get your revenge, since it also would help him regain his true love. Participate in a 10-minute word war as you try to figure out how to get to him.
If you are Fezzik , you accidentally knock out the Albino while questioning him. Write 300 words to make up for your blunder.

Have fun storming the castle!
It’s time to bring Westley back to life from being “mostly dead.”
If you are Fezzik , you intimidate Miracle Max into thinking you ARE the Brute Squad, so write for 15 minutes lavishing in your strength.
If you are Inigo , you have a harder time convincing Max that bringing Westley back to full life is a worthy cause, but pointing out a path of vengeance against the Prince who put him out of business does the trick. Complete a 500-word word war (whoever gets to 500 words first wins).
If you are Westley , you are mostly dead, so you can skip this challenge (but you don’t have to).
If you are Buttercup , you are far away: pick a word war or sprint on this forum to complete.

Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togevah today.
If you are Buttercup , your marriage to Prince Humperdinck is rushed as noise is heard outside. Finish it up in 5 minutes of quick writing .
Fezzik , you are on a wheelbarrow wearing a holocaust cape inspiring fear in all around you: write for 30 minutes .
Inigo , you are on the lookout for your nemesis, Count Rugen, so write 300 words as you look around for him.
Westley , you are orchestrating the event while still not fully functional, so write to the nearest 1,000 as you wait for Buttercup and Humperdinck.

My Name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
We’re almost done!
Fezzik , after leaving Westley, you find four white horses and bring them to just the right spot. Sprint to the nearest 1,000 .
Buttercup , you are about to kill yourself when Westley appears, alive. Overjoyed, you write for 15 minutes .
Westley , you threaten Humperdinck into letting Buttercup tie him up by telling him how you will maim him and then make him hear all the taunts and insults afterwards. It’s not difficult as he is a coward, so write 150 words .
Inigo , you are fighting the battle of a lifetime: complete another epic music hour or participate in an hour-long word war , as you finally get your revenge on the man who murdered your father.

Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind.
The end. Write to the next palindrome and update your word count :).

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I was going to post this, but hadn’t gotten to it yet. I’m glad you liked it!