Characters' feedback on their authors

Character A: “Please stop referring to my friend’s hair as wild or crazy. She’s a beautiful person with a generous soul. You shouldn’t make fun of how someone looks, even if she did kidnap the neighbor.”

Character B: “Kidnap? I just gave him a ride! Anyway, Mister Author Man, ‘A’ is all in love with this guy… can’t you throw the girl a bone?”

Character A: “Oh my gawd, ‘B’! That sounded so dirty! But yes, please.”

I don’t think my assassin protagonist would say anything. Just stare at the camera, wondering why I put him in the story to do all the work for work alongside my useless MC.


Literally every character I’ve probably ever written: “Why?! Why did you do this to me?!”


My protagonist would be grateful for a mercy kill at this point.

Unfortunately for him, I have other plans, including making him suffer more. :smiling_imp:


My character is just like ‘Whatever. I’ve developed an immunity to you. What you got next? Bring it on. Just one question…why do I have the most tragic backstory ever!!!’


My ultimate MC (I have a series and this MC is the one that overreaches everything) has finally come to the light and is going “I told you I had my hand in everything!” (Note: he’s a god)


Teddy: Screw you in a pile of poop.

Lily: Runs to go get the laser swords


Elf 1: “I truly don’t understand why you’ve taken so much interest in me, Author, as I am quite clearly meant to be a secondary character. One really must focus more on the backstory of one’s MC.”

MC: “Look, I…I get that you have to even the tragedy playing field a bit, but…could you not kill my wife? I haven’t even proposed yet.”

Secondary character: “I feel like a literal warrior for social justice. Please give me a backstory. Good gods, please.”

(Working on that)


Raven: I love my wife. Now she’s barely in her grave and you’re presenting me with some weird physical ghost of her? I’m a mage; do you know what I could do to you? Do you have any idea what I’m going to do with this…abomination?

The Abomination: Hey! What did you call me? ::checks tag:: Oh, you did not just do that; I am not an abomination! You take away my best friend, saddle me with the angriest man in the world, and now this? You better–

Raven (sweetly): Does “chimera” work better, sweetheart, or is the word too complicated for that pretty little head of yours?

The Abomination: I…you…I’m gonna-- ::glares at author:: This is all your fault!

Raven: Ooh, someone didn’t get her beauty sleep. Maybe you should go pout in your room. Away from me. Far away. Or you could just go back home.

The Abomination: Any more of your conversation would infect my brain, you stuffed cloak-bag of rank, maggot-strewn guts. ::stomps off::

Raven: ::blinking:: Did she…was that Shakespeare? ::wanders off to look it up::

Author: Well, that went far better than expected…